~stephaniewinterice

Would like to sincerely apologizes to those people that i have hurt recently due to the stresses of my work. Especially my family members and my bf. My temper was dramatically changing everyday even i myself never notice it until i really cool down and think about it. Just told my colleagues not long ago that no matter what happen don't let it affect my mood but is tough. Again and again my mood is badly influence due to my work and customers. Again and again, it affect my relationship. 3 days back i quarreled with my bf, is my first time seeing him so angry, it must have getting on his nerve....it was all my fault....He is a nice guy but i think this time round i must have badly hurt him...days passes no call or sms from him, i believe he must be angry with me..i have prepare for the worst consequences that might happen. I am sad and i wanted to say i am sorry to him.

If he choose to leave me at my most crucial moment, i wouldn't blame him. i believe it will be a relieve for him to stop him from suffering all my nonsense, mood swing and bad temper. I don't wanna hurt him but sometime when the stress come, i don't even know what has become of me. Now towards him, i feel a sense of guiltiness & remorseful for i have hurt someone who loves me. What my parent say is right, sometime when things are gone, it will never come back, treasure while you can. This sentence has embed deeply in me now, reminding me to learn to treasure and to love.

I don't know i am very sad now. No matter what the outcome is, i wish him all the best. I really hope he understand my situation and forgive me for what i have done.

It was the most terrible and down period of my life..When i thought i got everything, then i realize i got nothing...At this period of my life, i classified it as 3 categories; family, career and love...it is not in sequence as there is no ways to sequence it as all are important..

Now all 3 of them are down...i heard the cruel truth of how i am from my mum and i was heartbroken, it was so hurt that i cried non stop everyday for a few hours, whenever i recall the words that my mum say, i broke into tears....leaving me no strength to do anything. that day the timidest side of me came into life, it was scary, i am sitting down, crying and trembling while explaining to my dad...recalling back it was scary, never know that i can behave like this...

As for my career, i don't wanna talk about it...one word to describe, mess.

As for my love...kind of confused..a lot of things, i find that i couldn't tell him...whether is happiness or sorrow, i can't share with him...i feel lonely...sometime i feel stress out at work, i want to tell him but all he say is stress then don't work there loh.. It just shut everything up...i couldn't continue saying further. All i want is a listening ear and him to console me, that's all i ask for but he don't listen to me... a lot of things i wanted to find someone to talk to but i couldn't so i can only write it down here.

Out of sudden, i lost everthing...

I know nothing is fair but never expected the level of unfairness is up to this extent. Waking up to the idea that being hardworking is useless, you got to be smart, cunning and finding ways to get to the higher level fast & quick without putting in efforts.

One who has the most convenience and never get to experience the busiest day of their life, live life like a bed of roses. Taking advantages of how the game play and finding loopholes hoping to get what one wants without putting in efforts and hoping things to be given rather than earned. They are just like a child, all they have to do is cry and they get what they want.

One has too high hope & confidence sees nothing but themselves.

So what if one thought it has won? let it be. For those who knows it wasn't, regard it as failure and became the laughing stock.

For those who have fought, won the battle and achieve a high sense of satisfaction rather than those who THOUGHT they won, a sense of guiltiness, cheating only their own heart to achieve that insignificant level of console which is ONLY in themselves. Isn't is shameless?

So what all those things that they do means? It means meaningless. Is meaningless that they got.

Don't really know who i can talk to. Now deviantart seems to be more like a place for me to blog.

A lot of things happened or rather a drastic change is happening to me!! It seems to be tough but i take it as a challenge!

People around me getting more complicated and i got to be more caution of what i say and how i say. A kind soul gotta be no kind anymore in order to survive.

I worked hard for more than 3 years in order for me to be what i am today. What makes other people think that they can achieved what i achieved today without putting in effort and trying hard to psychological harming one another to achieve something out of it.

I am tired of those psychological war among us. When they gotta stop??

Haven't been here for quite a while. As usual busy with my job. Now having to shoulder more responsibilities left me no time to do other things. Of course it seems like a challenge and i like it but somehow it was given because others left with no choice.

Ton of things happened and more or less i can foresee what is going to happen. Be it like it or not, i just have to do it. My philosophy for it is " No matter how tough it gets along the way, you just have to do it, eventually it will pass".

Having a lot of thoughts and decision was to be made and i slowly realize bit by bit of my own personality...i am a bad analyst...what a sad thing to realize. Ooops does that means i got no brain?? I will never be able to be a leading person....Anyway not going to give up. I strongly believe we learn though our mistakes.

Longing for a break..looking for somebody to go traveling with me! Life isn't just about working right.